First Threesome (with a twist)

Group sex isn’t really our thing as much as the BDSM – but we have multiple partners and we’ve both done a fair bit of the multiple partner thing in the past – so we’re happy to give advice.

Nikki and Sean,
 
I will probably be having my first threesome on Thursday night and I am looking for some guidance on how not to fuck it up. Long story short, I was invited to dinner by one of my close friends/occasional fuck buddies. She's bisexual and is currently in a committed relationship with another girl. She told me that her and her girlfriend were looking to try some new things in the bedroom and wanted to know if I was open to the idea of having a MFF threesome.

We discussed it for a while and it's pretty clear that my friend is the least 'on board' out of the three of us. It's everyone's first threesome and this is where I think there may be an issue.

When we talked about rules/boundaries my friend said she is okay with me doing anything with either one of them (as long as her partner is comfortable with it). However, I get the impression that she isn't being totally honest with her girlfriend or me. I think she likes the idea of me not doing anything with the other girl and having both of us focus on her. (When directly asked this, she stuck to her original statement.)

 I'm totally cool with whatever rules they want. Hell, I'll sit in a chair and beat off while the girls go at it if that's what they are most comfortable with. I really don't want to make anyone do anything they don't want to. Nevertheless, I want to have as much fun as possible too.

 How do I proceed from here? I can't read my friend's mind and tell if she is being honest. I know I can play it safe and just do stuff with her the whole time. At the same time, I really want to fuck her girlfriend if I have the chance; I find her much more attractive than my friend and she is significantly hotter than any girl I've been with before.

  We’re meeting to discuss it further in a few days; any suggestions would be greatly appreciated.

  Cheers;
  Richard

Sean’s reply;

This situation is atypical - in that it's as unusual as fuck for two girls to approach a guy. 80% of MMF threesomes are a couple and a chick and 19% or more are a guy and a couple of random girls he's hooked up with. But fundamentally - the bugbears are the same. If everybody’s relationship is going to survive this - you need to pay the most attention to the least secure person involved. That doesn't mean however that you can't fuck her friend. The variety of classic threesome positions - oral/penetration hybrids etc still come right into play if nothing else - but what it means is you need to steer things so that your friend feels like she's in control

Without knowing your friend, I can't give you perfect advice on how to play that. But absolutely make the first physical moves on your friend. Make all the verbal forthcomings towards your friend as well. Lead her towards the idea of how hot her girlfriend is - but gently. You can't overplay this or you get exactly the wrong result.

Let your friend get turned on by the idea of how sexy her girlfriend is and make sure she knows how sexy you think she is. If you've done martial arts or wrestling - think about surrender transitions. Ignore your goal to gain position to transition.

'God you look amazing together', 'lets make her watch before she gets to play', etc. This isn't a play that you win when you nail a home run and slam your dick into the girlfriend. This is a game that you win when after 48 hours of marathon fucking, you all collapse into a coma and when you wake up, they invite you back next weekend. So don't get impatient.

If you and the girlfriend are mutually going down on the friend, that's a pretty good position to transition into more play with the girlfriend. If you and the friend are mutually going down on the girlfriend - it's a good time to talk dirty and steer the friend - but make sure all the talk is about her. How amazing it is to feel her fingers through the girlfriend. How sexy she is with her fingers inside her. Hell - before you even lay a lip on the girlfriend, lick the friends’ lips or something.

You should be getting the idea by this point. This is the same as finessing your other half into a threesome with a hotter woman. You need her to be turned on and comfortable with the knowledge that you're attracted to her and not just putting up with her so you can fuck the third party. Make it her idea for you to fuck the girlfriend.

Now some of this advice sounds like kind of a dick move - and it is if you aren't genuinely attracted to your friend as well as to her girlfriend. But if you are genuinely attracted to both of them - all you're doing is facilitating the event playing out like the fantasy. Have no doubt that if your friend has approached you about this - she's thought about what it will be like to watch your dick going into her friend. She's thought about what it will feel like to get fucked while her girlfriend goes down on her. She's spent long, horny, anxious hours wondering if this is a good idea or not and jerking off while she worries.

If this plays out like her fantasy and not her anxiety - you almost certainly get a reinvite and you get an awesome time with none of the drama of their relationship spiralling afterwards and you getting caught in friend drama. That's the golden glow at the end of the end of the tunnel and the bear trap you're stepping around. If you keep focus and patience - that'll play out.

If you go into this with the end of the tunnel being the girlfriend’s pussy and the bear trap being beating off in your car before driving home unfulfilled after it didn't work out - you're fucking up your own chances.

Nikki’s reply;

I'm mostly in agreement with the above advice- especially running with your own spidey- sense that your friend is not as comfortable with a no-hold-barred event as she is saying she will. Run with that, as Sean said (and as you were thinking) and make sure the lion's share of your outward focus is on your friend, and not on the hot girlfriend. By that, all I mean is maintain eye contact with the friend as much as possible, kiss and connect with her as often as you can comfortably do so, and when talking, direct conversation to her. Basically, let her feel like she is running the show.

Think of this coming Tuesday as a job interview- if you perform well, you will be invited back. Make the friend secure and comfortable the first round, and I guarantee she will start thinking of the other possibilities and may even get off on the idea of playing director a little.

Actually, go with the "director" idea. When you talk to them again, make it clear that you think its best for the girls if you think of yourself as the bonus dildo in the event, and that the girls should think about how they would like things to play out. Plant the idea that they should think about playing director, and use you as the prop.

I do disagree with one thing Sean said to you;

Have no doubt that if your friend has approached you about this - she's thought about what it will be like to watch your dick going into her friend.

No. If your feelings are right and she's leaning more towards the idea of you both doing things to her, and not an equal everybody getting some of everybody event, then Sean is wrong, and she’s not only NOT thought about your dick in her girlfriend, but she is actively resisting the idea.

Again, it’s not a lost cause- just don't count on you getting to fuck the hot girlfriend the first round.

If the girlfriend makes suggestions, check in with your friend- you need to be sure to give her the option to veto anything she is not comfortable with- there is nothing worse then going along with something in the moment because you were not given a second to think about saying no, then regretting it later- it will taint the whole experience for her, which wont help you any at all.

Sean also said;

She's thought about what it will feel like to get fucked while her girlfriend goes down on her.

She HAS done this. And come on, its a good thing for you too. I don't know what your set up is, but if you don't have access to a place with a mirror, I'd suggest if this comes into play, try to move things into a position where you get a very clear view of what is happening. If this winds up being the main event, make sure you have the full show available to you.

I've done the threesome thing, and I can absolutely tell you that most guys first mistake is trying to force the attention onto what THEY can get out of the situation, which mostly just screws them right out of any chance they had at a repeat occurrence.

I've also been the "prop" or sex toy for two others in their threesome fantasy- and its not just me trying to make you feel better when I tell you it was, by FAR the best threesome ever. Set it up that way and the pressure if off you entirely, and you are free to enjoy whatever they throw your way.

Being the "hired dick" is a pretty rare thing- finding a good hired dick is an even rarer thing. So be the hired dick well and you will be invited back again.

Life is good.

Definitions

Writing any kind of definitions list / glossary of terms used for a blog like this is all kinds of difficult. I know what all the words and ancronyms mean so it's weird trying to write an overview of those things for people who don't. So we'll start a list here and link back fairly regularly. We'll update it when we think of a new term that needs to be defined.


For both of us, perhaps the most entertaining and attractive thing about kink is no one is really a universal expert. The nature of fetish and indeed, of the depth of depravity human mind is capable of, is such that no one ever really has a true scope on "all that is kinky". Just when you think you have a handle on things, and know it all, someone will do something that sends your mind into a tailspin and makes you step back from it all for a moment of introspection, often making you re-evaluate you entire ethical code.

Some of the more widely recognized kinks can be divided into a few basic categories to include things like;

Bondage- On one end of the scale, couples that tie each other up with silk scarves. Few people will go through their college years without experimenting a little with things such as this. But bondage can also get more serious, and range from purpose-built and customer made leather cuffs for wrists, ankles, biceps and thighs, through to hog-ties, full body mummification for sensory deprivation purposes, not to mention various Asian decorative rope bondage techniques such as Kinbaku (aka Shibari) and Hojojutsu(A martial art deploying rope bondage requiring no "true" knots) Eventually we'll add some links here. Two Knotty Boys post a bunch of instructional videos online that are fantastic watching if you're interested in the topic.


Role Play Scenarios (Not to be confused with pimple-faced computer geeks in their mom's basement playing Dungeons and Dragons)- From titillating games of schoolteacher/naughty student, sexy maid and stern policeman/woman that are quite commonplace, to animal play like puppies or ponies, age play, Dr/Patient, through to heavier scenes that require pre planning and sometimes multiple people to achieve such as interrogation, kidnapping and rape play scenarios. And this is only touching on some of the more commonplace- role-play is truly limited only by imagination of the participants. One of the best public role play scenes I've ever heard of, was a woman who picked half the stitches out of the seams of a set of clothing - very deliberately picked to look wholesome and girl next doorish, in the fetish club - the guys involved in the scene used the weakened seams to rip the clothes from her and have them disintegrate for a really great faux 'attack' scene that was very sexy.


Sensual/Sensation Play- from feathers and tickling on the lighter end of things to nipple clamps, scratching and biting, ice, suction cupping, sensory deprivation and candle wax- sensation play is play that focuses on how things feel- both good and bad. The idea here is to release the feel-good endorphins without resorting to actual beatings.

Percussion/Impact Play- from spanking on through to the use of tools such as floggers, whips, paddles, crops and canes, percussion play is in it's most basic sense, the act of purely beating someone. Notably separated from martial arts by sexual intent. Although some people’s practice of martial arts probably qualifies.

Power exchange- The act of Dominance and submission- the willing exchange of power, freely given by one partner, who agrees to let the other have control- be that for a single scene with tightly controlled circumstances and limitations, right through to more formalized "contracts" that could extend right through to other aspects of their relationship, for the duration of the relationship.

Electro-play- Electrical toys such as T.E.N.S units, violet wands, shock collars, cattle prods and so forth.


Blood sport- Piercing, cuttings, and so on. Things that are knowingly performed with the intention to draw blood. Some people play with or share the blood, especially vampire fetishists.

Edge play- Riskier activities such as blood sports, asphyxiation, and play with mental triggers and phobias- things that carry a greater risk to the participants. Also sometimes used to discuss forms of blood play performed with edged implements. Blood sports are usually considered edge play by the former definition anyway. We'll expand on this topic as we get some inspiration.

Fluids- Watersports, scat and roman showers, body waste products are considered taboo by most- which makes them more appealing for a select few. Brown and golden showers are kind of self evident as to what they are. A roman shower is vomiting on or being vomited on for sexual gratification. Even we file a lot of these things under 'people are weird'

Dude, you're FUCKED UP - pt 2

I went through girlfriends, none of them lasted - but lots of them learned things and all of them taught me things. I suppose it says something abut me that losing my virginity is barely even an event in my head. It was with a girl on a park bench who had her hands tied behind her back with my belt. But I'd been through so much experimentation that it hardly stands out in my memory, despite the fact that it should. When I was 17 I went to my first public fetish event - a 'munch' - a social gathering of perverts in a public, non fetish location; at a coffee shop in the local entertainment district, a coffee shop I'd frequented with my friends from high school, although a few hours later then the usual high school gatherings.

I'd intended to go with a woman I'd met online, she was older then me and we'd fucked a few times. But she cancelled at the last minute and I went alone. There were other people who I'd talked to online at the munch who I made friends with fairly quickly and got along with well. When the social event was wrapping up - the crowd started moving towards a club that was on near by. A public venue held in the downstairs bar of a near-by club. I caught a ride with an older couple, a psychology professor and his partner. They hade to move the jelly sex toys from their back seat before I could get in.

I walked straight into the venue without being ID checked, but didn't have the nerve to buy alcohol from the bar, even though I'd drunk at bars before with my friends. I was too nervous about the consequences of getting caught out really. The couple I'd caught a ride with were doing a demo of an unusual toy. A Violet Wand - at the time they were rare in Australia. I'm not a bottom - I don't like people using toys on me, and I never have. But I was in love with the violet wand from that moment. It's a fetish that's lasted more then a decade now. I played with it for the better part of an hour before going to watch the other shows.

I only remember the rest of the night in flashes. An unsuccessful attempt to hit on a woman a decade my senior. A dominant woman enjoying my awkwardness as I turned down her offer of a beating and her amusement at my awkward offer of the same for her. Watching a stage show of wax and impact play, as a short Hispanic man in a trench coat next to me growled under his breath 'Yeah, Yeah, Hurt her, Hurt her' and trying to edge away from his creepy sketchiness. Watching a couple after playing retreat to the darkness in the corner of one of the side rooms for one of the most intense blowjobs i'd ever seen. In retrospect, what I was seeing was my first real external view of subspace and topspace meshing sexually. I'd glimpsed that sort of thing as a participant. But never as a voyeur, and never on the level that they were connected. Seeing that shared high, being part of that shared high is an addiction that I've never been able to kick.

There are a lot more stories that go into why I'm so fucked up. But fundamentally - that night set my path in stone. I was hooked. And while there was fall out from being underage at an event and more fall out from being an idiot teenager in a grownup culture. I never lost the jones for fetish nights after that first addictive taste.